Farewell
by Dragon's Daughter 1980
Summary: For the dearly departed...


Title: Farewell

Written By: Dragon's Daughter 1980

Spoilers: Twilight

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.

Author's Notes: Even though I was not happy with the way Sasha Alexander exited the show, I wish her the best of luck in all her future endeavors. Maybe it will all be a bad dream… (highly unlikely I know, but still, we can hope)

* * *

"We are gathered here today…" the priest says quietly. I do not know how many times I have heard those words, perhaps thousands of times? It is possible. I don't block them out, though I have been tempted to in the past. Those words are normally the opening lines to every major event in a person's life, be it birth, baptism, Confirmation, marriage or death. Today's service is no joyful celebration. The sea of black mourning clothes tells me that. My attire, if any of them could see me, is suitably dark, though it changes depending on the occasion.

Today, I stand unnoticed in the flickering shadows of the trees, a gentle breeze swirling around me. It soothes me, though it does not comfort the others here. I know that most people have called me cold and cruel, merciless and heartless. Most would rout me from this place if they knew I was here. They hate me, scorn me, fight me, but in truth… they are frightened of me. For I represent an unknown. And human beings hate unknowns. There are a few, so very few, who have the courage to face and accept me for what I am. I glance at the woman standing next to me, tears glistening in her eyes as she listens to the service. My companion understood me before we ever met and knows me better now. Unobtrusively, I slip a tissue into her hand.

"…to remember and to celebrate the life of a woman who touched the lives of those around her…" the priest continues over the silent tears and the muffled sobbing of the crowd. There are those who maintain a stony silence, either too numb or too shocked by what I have done to cry. My gaze rests on the three men who worked with her day in and day out. They loved her dearly, as their own family. They are the ones who are dazed and dry-eyed. I know they will cry in time. I pray they will. I do not know the future of these people, gathered here today to mourn for one of their own. I only know that, in the end, all of us must submit to one fate and that all are reunited in the end. My eyes drift over them, noting how much this person was loved. I am sorry for what I have done to them, but there are lessons in life that cannot be taught without pain. There can be no regrets. I should have no regrets.

I have attended almost every funeral service of each person I have encountered in the course of my obligations. It is by no means mandatory that I do so, but it brings me closure. Yes, even I need closure. I too had family once; I too have known loss. But at least I dwell in utter certainty while others do not. Well, at least not yet.

"Caitlin died in the line of duty, upholding and fulfilling the oath she swore: to protect and guard others from harm…" the priest continues. I laugh bitterly to myself, realizing that once again I have carried out my duties and hurt a family of people that I respect the most. What is with me and law enforcement officers? Day after day, week after week, season after season, I have walked with these people daily, accompanying them, peeking over their shoulders as they work. They acknowledge me for what I am and understand that I am always there, sitting next to them or standing in the shadows just behind them. I try to keep my distance though. Some of them sense me all too well and it frightens the more fragile ones. All are sensitive, caring people who are wiling to sacrifice themselves to protect others. I have seen this quiet devotion firsthand so many times, too many to count.

It is hard sometimes to explain to them that their colleagues will be the ones documenting their deaths. They know what will happen to them, how their remains will be treated, how their families will be informed. They know the rites and the honors. They know that sometimes justice is not served and how the wounds of yesterday might never heal. They know so much of human nature's darker side. Too much.

I sigh and distract the person standing next to me. I wave off the concern and indicate that she should return her attention to the service. It will be the last time she will be able to interact with her loved ones face-to-face for a long time. They deserve to have that time undisturbed. I stand as a silent companion until the end of the service. Then she wanders away from me, toward the gathering, to say goodbye to the ones she is leaving behind. I keep a strict watch on her, ready to step in if she wanders too far. I have no intention of creating a lost, restless spirit. But I should have no worries. She wasn't Secret Service and then NCIS for nothing; she has taken my stern warnings to heart and finally returns to me.

"So, this is it?" she asks me. I see the slight straightening of her spine and how her shoulders move back. She is trying to tell me that she is not afraid, even when I know she is. I smile slightly, the reassuring one for someone I highly respect, before I reply, "Every journey begins with a single step. Every chapter must come to an end. One chapter has ended, but… another must always then begin. Come." I hold out my hand. "It's time." She has no hesitation in taking it.

The sunlight intensifies in a place near us, making the lingering morning dew on the grass burst into a prism of colors. The two of us walk to the threshold and I pause, sensing that she needs to perform one last act of closure before we can leave. She looks back on the scene of grief and sorrow.

"I love you," she breathes softly. To someone in particular or to all, I do not know nor do I ask. It is not for me to intrude. Then she turns to me and nods. I smile once more in understanding and begin my final obligation to her.

"Then come," I say again, gently tugging on her hand, pulling her over the threshold that separates this world and the next. Caitlin Todd takes a deep breath and takesher first step of a long journey.


End file.
